..What understanding defies.

From The devaluation of male submission, a post on Dev’s Delving Into Deviance blog that - now a year ago - got quite some response. The sensation must have been that the statement came from a woman. Because for a submissive man this devaluation is a fact of life. And I don’t think the reason is unclear either. It is the economy. The unbalance of supply and demand on the sexual marketplace.

This unbalance is of course not a matter of perception, but it might be caused by certain (mis)perceptions. At least, that is held by a theory that Dev seems to share. The idea is that there must be as many dominant women as there are (authentic) submissive men. But because of the fucked up patriarchy these women feel repressed and don’t come out. So, free the women and you free the men.

If I understand things correctly femdom pornography is seen as the vehicle of this repression. As are the prescribed modes of behaviour (blatant sexism) in the BDSM scene. Now I have no experience with the BDSM scene (which has indeed something to do with prescribed modes of behaviour not to my liking), but I do have a humble tumblr with femdom porn. So I must ask myself whether I too might be superimposing the male-female dichotomy onto the dominant-submissive?

Could a dominant woman decide to repress her erotic inclinations because of the images I select? Or the images selected by someone even more interested in leather clad humourless non-penetrative (unreal) bitches than I am? Poor as our tastes may be, I really doubt it. So, while I appreciate Dev’s feeling for the plight of submissive men (showing a sensitiveness that is rare), and while I certainly enjoy and recommend her blog,  I don’t buy her analysis of my devaluation.

I am not going to present an alternative here, but I do want to point to one single factor that we should not forget: scene vs. lifestyle. The scene is a stage, what you see there is theatre. It may be in need of some modernisation, but it will always remain a performance. Lifestyle is something altogether different, and it looks different too - most of the time. Now you may opt to play (for a sub: to bottom), or you may need more (for a sub: to submit), that’s a choice you must make with your partner.

I think both choices are legitimate, and so the iconographic implications must be legitimate too. But you should be aware of the differences. Porn may help to develop this awareness.

(via femdomstyle)

(Source: delvingintodeviance.wordpress.com, via femdomstyle)